#SB2k20? More like #SD2k20 (#iykyk)
Existentialism’s golden boy Jean Paul Sartre said it best when he wrote, “Hell is other people.” Whether or not you agree with that assertion in today’s age, you don’t really have the choice to start worrying about the damage done by your contact with the outside world because society will descend into a hellscape if you don’t!
Here’s a list of fun ideas to do with your boo-thing or platonic life partner while you both FaceTime each other from your bed in pizza-covered sweatpants. Don’t be a selfish jerk this St. Patrick’s day and try these foolproof suggestions, because pandemics are more important than your need to drink green Bud Light!
Become Tik-Tok famous
- The world’s premier Tik-tokkers (?) are all 12 and can’t really leave the house that much anyway, so this is the perfect opportunity for you and your honey to practice dances that no one who’s lived through their 8th grade continuation can do.
Finally read that book you both said you would read 2 months ago
- Neither of you read it. Maybe you skimmed a chapter and brought it up over tacos last month and it’s since gone unmentioned. Now you can both admit your flaws and get back to doing intellectual things with your free time!
Compete for the longest streak on Duolingo
- You’ll both inevitably forget about it as soon as you can rejoin your social spheres, but why not spend a few hours a day learning how to say “the cat ate the man’s pants” in Esperanto.
Take a virtual tour of some of the world’s best museums
- It’s way easier to sound
pretentiouseducated when you can Google facts about the painting you’re looking at on the spot and just blame the lag on the amount of people using the Internet at the same time.
Enact a real-life version of Chopped with whatever is left in your kitchen because you didn’t go to the store in time
- What can you make with black beans, canned smoked oysters, and Hershey’s Special Dark? Probably not much, but you can each try to make something gourmet and force it upon whomever you’ve locked yourself in with. Everyone knows that Mom’s culinary critiques make Geoffrey Zakarian look like a downright softie.
Become well-versed in reality TV
- No better time to put your current situation into context than by watching people with few real talents make a lot of money for existing and trash-talking other people while sipping vodka sodas. One of the true common luxuries of our era, and the best bit of escapism humankind has ever invented. (Don’t @ me).
Panic and complain, but together <3
- Look on the bright side! If you’re limiting contact with the general public, your constant doomsday thoughts probably aren’t going to have much impact on furthering widespread panic (which is bad, apparently).
If you think these ideas kind of suck, well, it’s because they do! But it’s probably better that you re-frame this as something positive rather than be an active contributor to the failure of health systems in this century’s biggest public health crisis! Keep checking the CDC’s and WHO’s websites and WASH UR DAMN HANDS.
XOXO, Al!
